Consent+

Consent+

Report by Lucinda (L6) - 

On Friday 2 January, Lower 6 had a very informative lecture by Isla van Tricht from Consent + about sex and relationships. Isla started by introducing what consent means: ‘a person consents if they agree by choice and have the freedom and capacity to make the choice’. Isla focused on broadening the idea of consent and teaching us that consent is an essential part of positive sex and relationships, and necessary for ‘navigating interpersonal relationships.’ People often have a limited scope on the idea of consent, yet it underpins everything that is fundamental for a positive relationship, whether it is in order to navigate intimate relationships or figuring out a connection, consent is essential. 

Isla taught us an acronym to remember the key components of consent, ‘FRIES’ which stands for ‘Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific.’ From this we learned that there are many factors which make up our freedom to consent such as the responsibility to advocate for ourselves and our right to make our own decisions about our bodies. Unfortunately, consent is not always respected, someone may want to change a person’s choice through efforts such as pressure, coercion or force and in some cases, people experience emotional blackmail or feel threatened and therefore do not freely make a choice. Isla highlighted these concerns and then spoke about the misconceptions surrounding consent where some people think that consent is a set decision or that you cannot reverse consent. However, we learned that people can always withdraw consent. Through the analogy of inviting a guest into a house, Isla taught us that ‘a partner is a guest to someone’s body.’ Therefore, people have the choice to give permission to the guest and decide when they leave.

There are both physical and emotional responsibilities for safe sex such as a person’s ethics, setting boundaries to be sexually comfortable and contraception. Isla focused on the conversations before, after and during encounters to ensure that people feel ‘safe, connected and comfortable.’ These conversations include knowing whether or not someone is ready for the encounter or if they want to wait. We learned about the benefits of waiting, such as building a bridge of trust to feel safe in a relationship. Yet sometimes there are external pressures or even internalised pressures that people put on themselves and so it is important to give specific consent for different matters. Isla stated that ‘consent to one thing is not consent to everything.’ 

People communicate in many different ways and have different abilities of reading verbal and non-verbal signals. It is important to read the body language, facial expressions and eye contact of a partner to know if they definitely want to give consent. Isla gave a memorable example of a scene in the television series ‘Sex Education,’ to show the importance of communication and figuring out how to have a safe and enjoyable encounter. Sometimes in long-term relationships, partners communicate non-verbally and therefore it is important to check for consent through eye contact and the movement of hands to ensure consent is valid and if the message is unclear, partners should use verbal communication to understand each other’s feelings. Ultimately, consent is active communication and Isla reinforced that ‘it is your body and your choice,’ to give consent. This lecture concluded with the Lower 6 discussing scenarios relating to consent and then Isla hosted an informative question and answer panel discussion at the end.